Some Tips on How to Raise Righteous Children

Imaam Ibn Qayyim (may Allaah have mercy on him) stated:

From among that which a child is in dire need of is to pay attention to the issue of his character, because he will grow up based on what his guardian accustomed him with at his tender age of anger, stubbornness, hastiness, foolhardiness with his desires, recklessness, sharpness and greed; as it may become difficult for him to correct all of that when he grows up.

Thus, these characters will become deep-rooted in him to the extent that no matter how he tries to guard against them, they will certainly shame him some day. For this reason, you will find out that most people who have perverted characters, such stems from the type of upbringing they received. In addition, when a child becomes reasonable, it is obligatory to distance him from places of amusement, falsehood, singing; listening to vulgarity, innovations and evil talks.

This is because if he becomes fond of listening to it, it will become difficult for him to avoid it when he grows older and difficult for his guardian to save him from it.  Changing of habits is one of the most difficult things to achieve as it requires a person to invent a second nature, and exiting from the rule of nature is very difficult.

It is also very necessary that his guardian should stop him from accepting things from people, because whenever he gets used to collecting something from people, it will become his nature and he will grow up [with the habit] of collecting and not to give. One should accustom him to spending and giving. If his guardian intends to give something out (as charity), he should give it to the child to give it out so that he will taste the sweetness of given.

He should keep him away from the act of telling lies and deception more than the way he keeps him away from a deadly poison. This is because whenever the path of lie and deception becomes easy for him, it will ruin his happiness in this world and in the Hereafter and deprive him of every good. He should also keep him away from laziness, idleness, meekness and relaxation; rather, he should engage him in the opposites. 

He should not allow him to feel comfort except with what will keep his soul and body busy, because laziness and idleness have evil consequences and lead to regret at the end, while seriousness and hard work have praiseworthy end either in this world or in the Hereafter or in both.

Hence the most comfortable people are the most hardworking people and the most hardworking people are the most comfortable people. Dominion in this world and happiness in the Hereafter cannot be attained except by crossing the bridge of hard work. Yahyaa bin Abee Katheer said: “Knowledge cannot be attained with comfort of the body.” 

He should also accustom him to getting up at the last part of the night, for it is a time for the division of bounties (from Allaah) and distribution of rewards/prices. Some will be given small; some will get plenty while some will be denied. So when he gets used to it at his tender age, it becomes easier for him when he grows older.

Source: Tuhfah al-Mawdood fee Ahkaam al-Mawlood, p. 211 by Ibn Qayyim al-Jawziyyah