How To Handle A Nammaam (tale-bearer)

Umm ‘Abdillaah al-Waadi’iyyah wrote:

Nameemah means conveying a speech from a people to another in order to sow dissention among them. Allaah the Mighty and Majestic has condemned the one who has this trait and He forbade listening to his speech. He said: “And obey not everyone who swears much, and is considered worthless. A slanderer, going about with calumnies. Hinderer of the good, transgressor, sinful.” [68: 10-12] As regards His saying, “Going about with calumnies,” it means carrying tales about in order to corrupt relations between people and to stir up discord among them as contained in the Tafsir of Ibn Kathir.

 Nameemah is one of the major sins. It is recorded in al-Bukhari and Muslim from Ibn ‘Abbaas that Allaah’s Messenger (sallallaahu alayhi wasallam) passed by two graves and said: “They are being punished, but they are not being punished for something great but whose (punishment) is great. One of them used to spread Nameemah while the other does not protect himself from his urine (when relieving himself).” The Prophet’ saying: “But they are not being punished for something great” means that Namimah and not cleansing oneself from the impurity of urine are little things and easy to avoid, but their punishment is severe. [In a hadeeth from] Muslim: “A Nammaam (one who spreads Nameemah) will not enter Paradise.” A poet said: “Nameemah does not unite between two companions; due to it, two friends will hate each other.”

Know that whoever conveys tales to you will convey tales against you. Advise whoever possesses this trait with gentleness, softness and beautiful admonition. But if he/she does not desist, warn your brothers/sisters against him/her and avoid his/her company because Allaah the Mighty and Majestic said: “And when you (Muhammad) see those who engage in a false conversation about Our Verses (of the Qur'ân) by mocking at them, stay away from them till they turn to another topic. And if Shaitân (Satan) causes you to forget, then after the remembrance sit not you in the company of those people who are the Zâlimûn (polytheists and wrong­doers, etc.).” [6: 68]

Source: Adapted from: My Sincere Advice to Women. See p. 53-62 by Umm Abdillaah al-Waadi’iyyah. Translated by Abdus-Samee’ Abdus-Salaam and Ishaaq Abdur-Raheem.

The Backbiter and the One Who Listens to Backbiting Are Both Sinful

Imaam an-Nawawee (may Allaah have mercy on him) stated:

Know that in the same way that backbiting is forbidden for the one who speaks it, it is likewise forbidden for the one who listens to it and approves of it. Thus, it is obligatory on the one who hears an individual embarking on committing the prohibited form of backbiting[1], to forbid him from doing it as long as he does not fear any open harm resulting from that. But if he does fear (harm) from that, then he is obligated to reject the backbiting with his heart and to detach himself from that gathering if he is able to do so. If he has the ability to reject it with his tongue or to cut the backbiting off by changing the topic, then that becomes required of him. And if he does not do that, then he has committed an act of disobedience (i.e. sinned)

If he says with his tongue: ‘Be quiet’ while desiring with his heart for it to continue, then Abu Haamid al-Ghazaalee said: “This is hypocrisy. It does not remove him from the sin he is upon. Rather, he must hate it with his heart.” If he is forced to stay in that gathering in which backbiting is taking place, and he fears from forbidding it, or he forbids it but it is not accepted from him and he cannot find a way to separate himself from them, then he is prohibited from listening and paying attention to the backbiting. Instead, his way out should be by making remembrance of Allaah with both his tongue and heart or just his heart. Or he should think about something else in order to preoccupy himself from having to listen to it.

After having done this, his hearing it without listening and paying attention to it will not harm him, while he is in this mentioned state. If he is able after this, to withdraw from them and they are still backbiting, then separating oneself is an obligation. Allaah says: “And when you (Muhammad) see those who engage in a false conversation about Our Verses (of the Qur'ân) by mocking at them, stay away from them till they turn to another topic. And if Shaitân (Satan) causes you to forget, then after the remembrance sit not you in the company of those people who are the Zâlimûn (polytheists and wrong­doers, etc.).” [Surah al-An’aam]

It has been reported that Ibraaheem Ibn Adham was once invited to a waleemah (wedding feast), so he attended it and found people there who were mentioning a man that didn’t come. They were saying: “He is truly lazy.” So Ibraaheem said: “I brought this upon myself, such that I attended a place in which people are backbiting one another.” So he left from there and did not eat for three days. What has been recited of poetry with regard to this is:

“And restrain your ears from hearing vile speech

Just as you restrain your tongue from speaking it

Because when you listen to this vile speech     

You are a partner to the one saying it, so reflect.”

Source: Guarding the Tongue, from the book: al-Adhkaar of Imaam an-Nawawee, p. 18-19. Translated by Isma’eel Alarcon. Published by al-Manhaj.com

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[1] This means that there are permissible forms of backbiting. See the post: “Let us Backbite for an Hour for the Sake of Allaah’ on this blog.

Difference between Telling About A Blessing from Allah and Boasting Of It

Imaam ibn Qayyim (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:

The difference between telling about Allaah’s blessing and boasting of it is that the one who mentions the blessing of Allaah is informing about the attributes of the Provider of the blessing and His absolute generosity and kindness. Thus, he is praising Him by proclaiming it, revealing it out of gratitude to Him and spreading all that He deserves. The purpose of that is to demonstrate the attributes of Allaah, His praise and extolment, which spurs the soul to seek from Him alone, to love Him and have hope in Him. Hence, he is desirous of Allaah by pronouncing His blessing, spreading it and recounting it.

 As regards boasting of blessings, this is when a person becomes audacious in his dealings with people because of it and shows them that he is superior and better than they are. Then he becomes obstinate against them, he enthralls their hearts and inclines them to him in veneration and service. Nu’maan bin Basheer said: “Indeed the devil has traps and snares and among his traps and snares is to strike with the blessings of Allah, and arrogance towards the servants of Allah, and boasting about the gift of Allah in a manner not for Allah’s sake.”

Source: Keys To Endless Bliss, From the Works of Ibn Qayyim al-Jawziyyah, Compiled by 'Umar bin Muhammad al-Uwaydee. Translated by Abdus-Samee Abdus-Salaam, edited by Abu Naasir Ibrahim Abdur-Rauf.

Take the Key to All Righteous Deeds

Imaam Ibn Qayyim al-Jawziyyah stated: 

Whoever is prepared for the  meeting with his Lord, his heart becomes disconnected from this world, its contents and the ardent search for it. The individual would quench in his heart, the fire of desires, submit his heart to his Lord – the most High – and devote his energy to Allah, His love and give preference to seeking His pleasure. Likewise, he has to invent a distinct energy, knowledge and be born again, which would make the connection of his heart to the Hereafter like the relationship of his body to this worldly life after it had been in the belly of his mother.

So his heart has to be born in reality as his body was born in reality. Just as his mother’s womb was a veil to his body from this world, his soul and desires are veils to his heart from the abode of the Hereafter. The exit of his heart from the soul towards the Hereafter is like the exit of his body from his mother’s womb into this worldly life. This is the meaning of a saying attributed to al-Maseeh (Jesus Christ) that he said: “O children of Israel, you will not enter the kingdom of heaven until you are born again.” Since most people have not gone through this spiritual rebirth or imagine it let alone believing in it, the individual may wonder: “How can an elderly man be born again”, or “how does the heart become born again?”

Unfortunately, they were not interested in it neither did they aspire for it. How can  a person resolve to do something he does not know  or believe?

However, if the veil of heedlessness is removed from the heart, he will believe in it and know that his heart had not gained spiritual rebirth. What this means is that: sincere preparation for the meeting with Allah is the key to all righteous deeds and faith-based actions. It is the line of conduct of the travelers to Allah and the stations of those following His path including alertness, repentance, love, hope, awe, entrusting affairs to Him, submission and all other deeds of the heart and limbs.

The key to all of that is sincere readiness and preparation for the meeting with Allah; and the key is in the Hands of the Opener and the All-Knowing. There is no god other than Him and there is no lord but Him.

Source: Keys To Endless Bliss, From the Works of Ibn Qayyim al-Jawziyyah, Compiled by Umar bin Muhammad al-Uwaydee. translated by Abdus-Samee Abdus-Salaam, edited by Abu Naasir Ibrahim Abdur-Rauf.